Speaking to her bros seeking some accommodation passing gravy at dinner; followed by makn’ bacon in the morning; thereafter killing the day with Netflix and chill; not forgetting to check the oil before heading out, our resident author Sade Khalai shakes the guard spilling secrets on booty calls, sexual euphemisms and saucy tips on how to ask for sex in Bukusu.
Bros know that I have spoken with pride of my peoples weltanschauung of not being shamed by sex. Exceptionally, we pride in being a people with hot blood flowing through our veins. In fact, folklore has us believing that this hot blood is why our men don thick popping veins on their arms.
We also believe that after a sumptuous meal of obusuma with bwoba or enyama esike, our men get doped with a burst of energy. I learned many years ago in a khutiukha ceremony that hot blood and energy equals a hydrogen bomb that can uproot a fully grown kumukhuyu tree. Such energy cannot go to waste we were educated by one Papa Khabingili. During the day, the man juice can, to an extent, be dissipated in some economic activity; but in the still of the night, it can’t be contained. It must be put it to good use.
Ripped
And so, let me just say that in our land, ripped underwear and night dresses fill our pit latrines. This hot blood and energy cocktail bomb is also the reason why my people sleep early. It is the reason why we shut our front doors whenever rains come early in the day, or not; the rains that is.
It is the reason why our mothers never head straight for your simba. Her loud talking and ruble rousing when chasing away of engokho from feasting on the maize that you are sun drying in your luya is not her lacking manners; you fool! It’s to alert and allow time for you and your woman/ guest to get decent, in the event you decided to help her have her corn ground in the high of the noon sun.
It’s also the reason why visitors opt for the Bukusu greeting, mungo omwo, rather than full jacket handshake and tête-à-tête over a sugarcane or tea. Most importantly it is the reason our forefathers warned us in the saying: Kumwikule kukwoo, kumwikale kwabene. For there can be no greater dishonor than knocking on a door that has been shut by the owner.
Bros, next time you find yourself in Bungoma or wherever you chance upon a Bukusu girl, and your blood cannot keep still in your veins; or when your heart refuses to do its known duty of pumping blood; when your boiling blood refuses to be cooked for; for those times your heart decides to get cheated; when you have to seduce that Bukusu beauty that’s got you, here are few lines you can use to seal the deal.
1. Why mbekho nibio mayi kakhuwa is the most gentlemanly way to ask for sex in Bukusu
This is the politest way that a man can ask for sex in Bukusu. The success of mbekho nibio mayi kakhuwa (share with me what your mama gave you) will depend on how far you’ve penetrated her defenses with your seduction game. I imagine a scenario where you have seduced a girl and are at a point there are signs that she has ‘entered your box’.
You can invite her over for a date – the date. When laying out the day’s itinerary asking her to join you so that you can see life; as you lay out your plans for her – maybe Nabuyole falls to cross river Nzoia on kumufunje, lunch and then a sun downer or drinks then dance – you can let the lady know that you would like to sum the day with her sharing with you what her mama gave her.
This will be taken in a good way. You will not come out as a fisi waiting to pounce on her loins without manners. This euphemism for sex works best with a new lover.
2. Mbekho bindu
Mbekho bindu (share/give me things) is a phrase to ask for sex in Bukusu that works best for a couple that has been having sex for a while. The woman in this scenario doesn’t need much of an explanation which ‘things’ the dude is talking about.
The conversation goes something like: “On Friday, I will be passing by Kakamega town en route to Bungoma. I will spend a night in Kakamega wumbekho bindu.” Case closed. All is left is for the woman to prepare for sensational sex.
3. Nenya khukona mumbasana
This is a naughty way of communicating with your woman. The man in question will use this phrase to hide his intention. This can be a phrase used by married couples with young children. The male would be intending to make love to his woman, but let’s say the woman is busy walking around the house cleaning and tidying up after everyone.
Nenya khukona mumbasana (I want to sleep between branches) simply means I want to sleep between your thighs. Getting kinky… huh!
4. Yuyakho nenya khukona is a way to ask for sex in Bukusu that lights the fire when you are in the mood
This is a euphemism for sex that’s also common among a couple with some history of sexual relations. In this case the man would for instance taken a shower, jumped into bed in his birthday suit. But the woman on the other hand could be busy on the phone gossiping about makeup and broken nails.
Yuyakho nenya khukona (hurry up I want to sleep) will signal to the woman to join him in bed. She should come to bed prepared to make love.
5. Nenya khukhwisiuba is the perfect way to ask for sex in Bukusu when she loves dirty talk
Nenya khukhwisiuba means I want to swing. This is the most cryptic way that a man can ask for sex in Bukusu. When you use this euphemism for sex, the intention by the man is to pip the interest of the lady. What? Why do you want to swing? Where do you what to swing? That kind of thing.
It works particularly well, if the lady in question enjoys flirting and talking dirty as foreplay. In case you still wondering why a full grown man would want to swing, well, in this case, he would be thirsting to swing between her thighs.
6. Nenya khupa embulu kumwoko
Nenya khupa embulu kumwoko (I want to hit the alligator with cassava) is pretty straight forward. The alligator in this scenario the pink castle. Well, your guess is as good as mine on what the cassava stands for.
Moreover, khupa embulu kumwoko is a Bukusu euphemism for sex that bros can use to discuss their sexual escapades. They would for example be regaling a night out then one bro will say something like: ” Yo, you with Nanjala leaving the club. Man, I was so jealous of you man!”
To which Wekesa (the fisi) can say something like: “I slept hungry that day. Ata senapa embulu kumwoko ta! Nanjala was going to the moon.”
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