Fake or real? Your ride or die girl? Fair weather friend, bro for life? When it comes to relationships let’s admit that we all battle with these questions every once in a while. And there’s nothing wrong with that, assessing if a relationship is a drain or mutual; but it does strain a relationship if worry to much of where you stand with the other person. Worry no more, the Bukusu proverb ne katikhe kakhoya okhunywela, has lessons to help.
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A story is told of a boy in my village who faced a disaster during the biggest event of his life. He was facing the knife, Lukembe, becoming a man according to our traditions. Up to this point, everything had gone well: khuminya, khulanga, khutiukha, khuchukhila, but the brew. It refused to ferment as expected. In our tongue, Lubukusu, we say the beer has burst: kamalwa kakatikhe.
There are many reasons as to why beer bursts. It may be a misstep during the brewing process such a poor handling of khamalange. It could also be a message of the need for patience and temperament from the ancestors to the initiate, omusinde. All in all, burst beer messes everything up, it tastes bad and puts the spirit of mulembe under stress for when beer has burst, kamalwa kakatikhe, you need someone with a kind heart to drink it for you and take away the shame.
Luckily, for the boy in my village, there were few friends and family members who braved it all and drunk the brew despite its bad taste. Their sticking with them is the lesson on trust from the Bukusu proverb ‘Ne katikhe kakhoya okhunywela’.
Meaning of ‘ne katikhe kakhoya okhunywela’.
The owners of the home had trusted people in their circles. This is because the first beer to be drank during the Bukusu traditional circumcision ceremony is a by invitation only event for a select few. They are usually the closest family and friends. The ones you’d trust to have your back.
These are the Family, neighbors and friends who let them down at a critical time. But still within this same circle of family, neighbors and friends there were those who demonstrated that they will always have their back at all times. The thing is, in life it is often that you are mistaken who your ride or die relations are.
