The plain truth about Luhya men of a certain stock and their fruit of their loins. From dealing with ‘out growers’ to tips on how to please this archetype of Luhya man, so that his engine is oiled and loins roar.
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The other day an omwami known to me, a true omundu strong, posted a pic of himself on social media with the caption: “Proud father of two”. It was his first post in over six months and I had to call him up just to find out if he was okay.
I had to ring him up because our friend is the type who uses social media the way we nowadays all do with postal box. It exists only to be quoted when asked for one. Most of the time we don’t even know if Posta still works or if that box number is still in your name. But if you insist, well.
That my friend had taken to Facebook after months of inactivity was curious enough. What, however, was more unsettling was the picture and caption. Just for the record, beautiful kids he has and happy they all looked in the family portrait; but no, this is not about that. It’s about the message passed on when I considered everything together: the picture, the caption and what I know about but Luhya men of his breed.
Indeed, the rate at which comments flowed (like River Nzoia in May) only served to confirm this out of character event. The comments were funny and naughty but true. As they told the truth about my friend Luhya men of a certain stock. Men of a certain stock like my friend.
Luhya men and their ‘out growers’
This prized stock of Luhya men almost always have sired children out of wedlock. Sometimes before their current marriage, other times during their current one. Some he knows about, others he doesn’t. Of those he knows about, in keeping with Luhya culture where children belong to their father’s clan, he takes care of them.
Preferably, these out growers will grow among his people. In some cases, they will be brought up within his family unit; in the way the Bukusu say: Nobaya likhanga obayilamo chingokho. When you raise a guinea fowl, raise it among chicken.
Ladies, don’t get married or sire with this Luhya brother and expect him to disown his own. Don’t also imagine that he will treat this ‘out grower’ any different from your own cubs. Mtoto ni mtoto, they say.
A story is told of Elijah Mwangale who like Luhya politicians of his time had married a white girl. In political gatherings he would introduce his unit as follows: “This is my wife and kids.” Then, he’d slip into Lubukusu and say: “Kuli nebabandi bali muno muno busa.” Then we have others who are here and there among you.
Similar stories go for most prominent Luhya men like Omwami Michael Wamalwa Kijana who sired children each with different women.
These Luhya men will not know the number of children they have
Today if you walked to any Luhya man and asked him how many children he has, he will as sure as taxes wriggle out of that conversation. Luhya men don’t know the number of children they have. The reason is because we don’t count kids.
This is why I laugh whenever netizens jump on Omwami Boni Khalwale’s social media posts whenever, every other year, he celebrates the academic achievement of yet another of his children. People, when will you learn? He’s never going to answer that.
Which means, the more the fruits of his loins, the better
To this breed of Luhya men, a child is a child. Thus efforts to convince him that quality trumps quantity when it comes to children is a futile exercise. A modern Luhya man will have at least three children. Even with three, there will be protests and jibes nudging him to get more children. You’ll hear peers jeering questioning whether his back is broken thus the reason why he isn’t working as he should in bed.
“Is your back too tired that you need some help?” They mockingly ask.
Don’t stand in the way of this stock of Luhya men, when they are in search of likongwe – a stone for their sling
In Luhya culture, the boy child is synonymous with likongwe, the sisal plant. Likongwe is a hardy plant that survives all to remain rooted in the land. A such in Luhya culture, alongside kinagosi, the sisal plant is the plant of choice in marking land boundaries.
Because Luhya men feels incomplete when their lineage is threatened by lack of an heir, a real omundu strong will pound the yam until their seed gives root to an heir. In our community’s history fewer stories tell the pain of this kind of lack as the story of Chief Namachanja wa Khisa, the father to the great Bukusu chief Sudi Namachanja who was the father to his holiness Cardinal Maurice Otunga.
To get Sudi, wa Kisa went on rampage marrying women from surrounding tribes. For a beauty named Mulati, a Omusamia girl, he even paid a was a certain quantity of kamakhalange as bride price. Only for chief Sudi’s heir Otunga to chose celibacy as a Catholic priest! Oh, this life.
Anyway, the preferred heirs being boys, Luhya men like Chief Namachanja wa Khisa are uncomfortable being fathers to girls only. For in Luhya culture, a girl, is guaranteed the right to get married and go elsewhere to establish her dominion there.
Thus it is imperative that the one’s brood has sons. This is a duty to one’s ancestors, a way of life and for his role in ensuring that their will be a future generation, for the man not yet blessed to be a father of boys, ‘stepping out of the home’ is the natural choice for some.
And as the Bukusu say: Embalikha yarafua nga ekhilakhima, Polygamy is as painful as a cobra bite, it can uproot tree stumps, taking up this choice may come with pains. Therefore, if you are the type of woman who cannot stomach polygamy, stay away from this breed of Luhya men.
Finally, how to please a Luhya man so that his engine is oiled and his loins roar
Food
This holds for Luhya men as it does for other men. An omundu strong wants real food for dinner. You are safe preparing him obusuma, ugali, with his favorite traditional Luhya vegetables and a protein every other time.
He will feast on this January to December for the days of life Wele gives him with no complaints. Just know how to do his obusuma well; also bother to know how to cater and serve him ugali as the omwami of household.
Do that and just like that someone’s son, well educated during khutiukha, will repay in kind servicing you well between the sheets.
Warm bed
There is a Bukusu saying: Kamafuki sokafula ta! Translated as ‘you cannot cook for blood’. Luhya men of this stock want a warm bed. Make yourself available for his appetite. My sister, iron his boxers and empty his balls. He must be sexually satisfied. There, I said it!
Embako sebea ta!
The Bukusu have a saying: Omukhasi akenda arera enjala. A woman who is always walking brings hunger to a homestead. Embako sebea ta is a Bukusu saying which means the jembe does not lie.
Why are these two sayings important? Well, because Luhya men of this stock will have a piece of land somewhere upcountry.
This land is their true home where they will lay when they rest. It is everything to them. When you hook up with this breed, do everything to embrace this their ‘true’ home. Own it, tender to it, make the soil productive, turn it into a home. Do that and you have him by the balls.
