Khocha is a male sibling to your mother. Broadly speaking, in the way African relations are expansive, chomba in Bukusu slang; or kocha, koza or kotsa in lulogooli is any of your mother’s relations that she calls brother. This includes her cousins of whichever degree.
Among the Luhya, alongside senje, kotsa is the most cordial of family relations. Really, every person should be blessed with a koza. Ones relationship with khocha is usually filled with love and respect. Through the different rites of passage of life, this relationship marinates to not only become one of the most unique, but also important relations.
By way of my community’s norms and socialization khocha is a special. First because he is a cordial friend. Secondly, because he a rare kind of relative who always got your back. Finally, because he is all two all the time
That said, even during the more close familial ties of yesterday, it was/is not expected that one will interact with khocha on a day to day basis. Thus your kotsa’s presence almost always announces seriousness and respect. I am lucky to be blessed with four khocha.
Me and my bakhocha
When opportunity knocks to meet all my chomba all at the same go, I usually tease the younger ones in the manner that one does with a favorite brother. For the elders ones, our interaction is akin to meeting up with your grandfather; so I make a point of having goodies stashed somewhere for them. Something to make their day, like a bottle of their favorite drink.
Or a classy expensive treat that I had picked on my travels. Most of the times though the gift is a humble night torch, heavy duty boot or knapsack. I go to all this trouble because outside my father, bakocha are the most important male relations in my life.
In truth, keeping relations between myself and bakocha in Luhya culture is a matter of self sustenance. I need them now. My children will need them tomorrow. For there’s a host of life events in Luhya culture that sans kocha suffer the ignominy of deprivation of the blessings of family and those who family does the remit for: our ancestors. Here are seven such life events that are made hallow by the presence, participation and blessings of kocha.
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Khocha and the making of men from boys
Growing up in a way is all about successfuly navigating the rites of passage of the culture that one is born into. Among the people of mulembe, a male child will have to undergo circumcision for them to grow into certain societal roles such as marriage and leadership.
The Bukusu house of mulembe has gained notoriety for its elaborate traditional circumcision rituals. Key among them is that omusinde, the initiate, is are required to call, khuminya, their khocha on the eve of undergoing the cut. Khocha plays his role by slaughtering a bull and doning the omusinde with a piece of meat around his neck.
Khocha then accompanies the initiate as one of a witnesses and as body guard against those evil intentions against his nephew. Moreover, he ensures that all the carcass from the cow — often a cow that had been paid by the boy’s father as part of the bride price — that he has slaughtered for his nephew is carried to the initiates home for the feast that awaits.
Part of his brief is to return bukochawe (one’s relations from mother’s side Lubukusu), beaming with pride bearing news full of praise of the initiate’s bravery; having been present to witness the very life changing experience of his nephew. From the day khocha slaughters the animal moving on, the initiate and khocha form a solid bond that can only be broken by death.
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Kotsa’s role in enganana and when asking for her availability in matrimony
On the other hand, for female children, kotsa comes in handy during enganana. Ideally all animals given out as bride price go to the girl’s parents and siblings. However, among the Bukusu, one cow is usually given to kotsa as a way of appreciating the role played by her maternal uncles in bringing up this fine young woman who has now found a home for herself.
Among the Maragoli, in a reverse of the Luhya traditional version of Tinder that we once talked about when looking at the sacredness of senje to a boy, one can approach the kotsa of a girl they fancy. Through her kotsa, once can find out the availability of her hand in marriage.
In addition, the mother of a girl who has come of age can route proposals that maybe coming her way to the girl’s kotsa. She may also recruit her kotsa in the search for a suitable mate for her daughter. Nonetheless, in all these instances kotsa acts as a sieve of suitable suitors.
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The heavy curse of Koza
In all this love, cordiality and friendship, one should never forget that koza is a very very important relation. Just like your senge, no matter what happens, never cross swords with your koza. In an incidence where koza and nephew/niece have an altercation, niece/nephew is prevailed upon to walk away as a sign of respect.
Therefore as a general rule, never court your koza’s bad word, disdain or curse. For girls, especially, never play out the games of your love life near your koza or in a way that it brings shame to your koza. In Luhya culture, this is simply prohibited.
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Chomba, your maternal uncle, in Luhya culture is the go family arbitrator and to peace maker
Whenever one feels unfairly treated by his kin, he can make their case with his chomba. I remember this one time a distant neighbor in the village gave his sons their inheritance. One of them was not satisfied with his share. His wise self made his way to his chomba.
Chomba convened a meeting with his nephew’s clan and the area village elder. It was not an easy undertaking because of protests by the boy’s father. On the given day, the elders resolved the impasse thanks to the help of chomba. I remember villagers remarking that while the boy’s mother had no place in discussing heavy clan matters such as inheritance, her children were well served by their maternal relations.
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Khocha the fixer
We have so far spoken of the myriad of ways a kocha is of value to his nieces and nephews, what of his own sister? Worry not as kocha the fixer is here. This role performed by kocha is not one that’s talked of often, but it’s the fix at a time when one is needed so badly.
I talk about the difficult task in which a khocha helps out sister when all her chips are down: taking care of any of his nephews and nieces who meet unnatural deaths. From those buried alive mining gold in the cottage mines that dot the land of mulembe to suicide victims, khufwala kumuchosi, kocha steps in where many have deserted.
In the houses of mulembe, unnatural deaths are frowned upon – not to mean that all such deaths are equal. The clan that the victim belongs to — out of shame, possibly ridicule, in fear of a curse or maybe just in keeping with the practice of blaming women for all ills — abandon their own.
It is the special duty of khocha to perform the dirty job of burying these untouchable cadavers. It is for this reason that when one loses a khocha, it is a sad affair than most. Khocha is the only person who will touch you when you are deemed unclean. He’s the sole soul ordained by our culture to ensure you don’t suffer the fate of a stray dog in death; no matter how you died. In truth, bakhocha should simply live for eternity.
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Khocha and musambwa
The simplest way I can define musambwa is: that of your people, that’s in your blood. Most musambwa are good: like leadership, the art of a blacksmith, medicine men etc. Others are special: such as the role of a public comforter among the Bukusu.
In the Bukusu house of mulembe, the public comforter performs an important rite that soothes the death of an eminent patriarch in society. This is a unique Luhya burial rite that sets the Bukusu apart. Being a public comforter is the musambwa of certain clans.
Moreover, whomever takes up the role is studiously and strictly selected. But guess who has to be there on the d day of installment? Khocha. At a public shrine, together with a distant relative known as omukulo in Lubukusu, elders and a young red or white bull to be slaughtered known as enjoka.
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Kotsa is the guy who keeps family relations between in laws, basakwa, alive
The Maragoli house of mulembe has interesting abstraction, that bride price can be paid in full and completed within a lifetime. My experience has been that it never happens. Because bride price is never completed. But if it did happen more frequently, bakotsa in Maragoli land would be bankrupted. This is because they would have to ‘return in kind’ a goat or two for every completed bride price. This goat is a gift to his nephews.
So, if you are Maragoli, once we get over these uncertain times of the new coronavirus, when you next bump into your kotsa, please ask him for your goat. If your relationship with your kotsa is any like mine, this should get going…
