My first formal sex education lesson occurred after one of my cousins had been circumcised when I participated in a ceremony called khutiukha.
The Bukusu, my people, are not shamed by sex. Sex education for us begins early. But it doesn’t happen in the drab fashion of today: formal classrooms with uneasy teachers doling out lessons to embarrassed pupils -who often more than not know more than what’s being dished out. My people begin speaking about sex at just about the time girls heed to the message of the dove liusi sit properly and, know ‘how to sit properly’; and for the lads, as soon as we know better than to wipe our nose with the back of our hands.
Meaning of khutiukha
On this particular day, my paternal uncle, the father of the initiate called for his younger cousin, to come speak to us. The speaking to us is referred to as khubita. In everyday Lubukusu, khutiukha refers to the act of helping to place something on somebody’s head, like water, grains etc., when they want to ferry it by carrying it on the head. Khutiukha also means giving someone a name. In our case, the second meaning was the one applicable.
On this day, all of us aged 8-18yrs were asked to get into his hut. The rules are very clear, every one of us was to sit on the floor with our legs stretched out. This applied to everybody including those who had been circumcised in the just concluded circumcision season. It also included girls who had been tasked with cooking and looking after the initiates. The initiates after undergoing the rite are referred to as bafulu. The girls who cook and take care of bafulu are referred to as namachengeche.
Eligible candidates for this talk also included those who had not gone the circumcision ceremony. Once we were all seated, my uncle then left the door of the hut we were sitting in open. He then put a dried cow skin at the door. The speaker of the day one Papa Khabingili carried a small guard. In it, was the traditional brew busaa that had been prepared at the home.
Khutiuka a celebration of community continuity
Papa Khabingili then begun talking to us as adults. Unlike the everything goes air of khuminya, this was a solemn occasion. Papa khabingili would occasionally pause, drink from the small guard, and swallow what he could. However, he would retain the chaff that he spray-spit on our innocent faces in some form of covenant. This would go on for like an hour. He would talk and we would listen. No questions asked as everything was covered, respectfully, but in breadth and in exhaustive detail.
Once Papa Khabingili was satisfied that he had imparted in us the ethos on how to be Bukusu men and women of honor and pride to their ancestors, he opened the door. This he did by removing the cow hide by the door.
As we walked out of the hut our heads heavy with the task of community continuity, our teacher handed to us farm tools. All boys picked pangas and the girls jembes. He then asked us to go till the land. Boys cleared bushes as the girls tilled. This was a simple way to insinuate man and his wife must work together if they hoped to chase hunger.
The lessons
I know you are all curious to know what exactly ‘being talked to as adults entailed’. I wish not to expose my navel by giving it all, but I will hint the wisdom of the lessons. Note, some of the lessons will be in the form of articles (to be published) that once published will be accessible by following the links.
- First, is the importance of getting an education. This is a modern addition. It has came about as education replaces subsistence farming as the activity that carries the most rewards. Simply put, busomi bukila wekhala ebandu.
- The meaning of the Bukusu proverb: Kumwikule kukwoo, kumwikale kwabene. Papa Khabingili emphasized respect for marriage and married women.
- Women relating with their husbands; omusecha nakhulanga nonina musiaki, nofuka busuma….
- The roots of the Bukusu saying embako seba ta! Hard work to avoid malnutrition.. biala chinyenyi bakhakhurakho liloko ta!
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