- Dead Husbands, Cheating Wives, Eating Rats and Secret Concoctions: When A Woman Cheats – The Anatomy Of Luhya Myths on Infidelity
- Is it True That a Woman Who Has Been Unfaithful is not Allowed to Nurse, or Mourn in Close Proximity to Her Husband In The Event He Dies?
- Kamanyasi Chronicles
- How Religion Compounds Luhya Myths About Infidelity
- Luhya Myths On Infidelity When Divorced or Separated
- Wait! Do Men Get Let Off? How Luhya Myths On Infidelity Castrate Patriarchy
- Do Luhya Myths On Infidelity Apply To non Luhyas?
- Of Other Meat and Luhya Myths On Infidelity
- The Ultimate Cheaters Cheat Sheet – How To Get Away With Eating Rats
- Luhya Myths On Infidelity Where Children Are Involved
- Khuuna Kumusakhu: Caught In The Act, What’s The Worst That Could Happen?
- The Culture Of Fines And Luhya Myths On Infidelity
- 5 unique first date ideas in Bungoma under 1500 bob
- The Kwa Dina Overpass Plugs in much needed juice to a once vibrant neighborhood in Webuye town
“Lazima uoshwe na kamanyasi?” A perplexed Ayuma asked. Well versed on the predicament she faced, I affirmed that luhya myths on infidelity when divorced or separated demanded so. If one wished to bury their estranged spouse as ‘normal’ couples would, they had to partake of the ritualistic concoctions. “Ok, I’ll do it!” She answered, after a brief period of deep reflection.
You will be meeting Ayuma later, and will get to learn of her predicament. For now, a friend well versed in our ways warns that only when kamanyasi has been taken, can an estranged spouse sit in –let alone address mourners– at the burial. But first, a synopsis of divorce and separation in luhya culture.
Divorce and Separation in Luhya Culture
For those uncultured in the ways of the people of mulembe, it must sound absurd that we talk of infidelity in the context of separation and divorce. Chill, we’ll explain. Actually, we’ll touch on divorce in luhya culture and leave you to make your own conclusions on separation in mulembe life. Then, later, we’ll tie in everything with a synopsis of luhya myths on infidelity when divorced or separated.
As we came to learn in our article on “Tress With Cultural Significance Among the Luhya“, divorce in marriage was a concept almost alien to Luhya married life.
Divorce did occur in traditional Luhya societies. Though rare, divorce was taken to be complete in certain special instances. Believe you me, simple desertion , especially after key marriage rituals had already taken place, was not considered to be grounds for divorce.
A woman who had partaken in all the Luhya marriage customs such as (kuweka kofia) could leave her matrimonial home in her youth to wherever. Then come back aged and no one would question her being there or what she had been up to. Even if her husband was long-buried.
Mulembe Nation
Cousin Ayuma, A Missing Body and Luhya Myths On Infidelity When Divorced Or Separated
Simple pronouncements like “we are divorced” don’t cut. Neither does leaving your matrimonial home to wherever. For divorce to hold, animals have to walk back. Not just any animals, but like for like both in number and appearance. If your husband had been evil enough to pay your dowry with a spotted cow, your people have to look for a spotted cow when they return the animals.
However, as a cousin of mine came to painfully learn, in spite of such provisions, things aren’t always straight forward. Having separated with her husband, upon his untimely demise, she’d been preparing as the luhya wife she was to inter him. Only to head to the morgue to collect his body and find he’d already left.
A wily younger brother to his husband had outsmarted cousin Ayuma. This enjusi like character had rushed to the courts armed with clever prayers and gotten court orders. As my cousin was raising hell at the morgue grounds, the love of her life was being lowered beneath it somewhere in faulkland.
Wishing to let him rest in peace, keep the mulembe if you like, cousin Ayuma let it go. One has to admire her bravery though, for if she had his way, you’d have to feel pity for her. For in spite of their ‘divorce’ luhya myths on infidelity when divorced or separated would have come down hard on her.
Also Read
So, What Are The Luhya Myths on Infidelity When Divorced or Separated?
Strangely, it’s a matter of choice. Let’s take cousin Ayuma’s situation. I for sure knew that in their ‘trying it out solo’ phase, she had shared her bed with someone other than her spouse.
Therefore, for her to bury my brother in law as she had wished, she had to take kamanyasi as per luhya customs. Once cousin Ayuma takes the kamanyasi, depending on the circumstances, Ayuma would also be at liberty to take possession of her boma once the burial is done with.
Today though often is the case that the following situations play out. This is because many would shy from kamanyasi or simply because relations would be too strained. The options would narrow down to the following.
A No Show
Namulekhwa (the widow) may opt to completely keep off the proceedings. For Ayuma’s predicament, she could have her relatives ‘represent’ her. The relatives often would be accompanied by Ayuma’s children from the union if any. The children would be allowed to bury their father together with their other siblings if any.
Often is such situations, things will go on smoothly all in the spirit of Mulembe. The guiding principles would be African ethos which view marriage as deeper relations beyond wife-husband. Thus relations never die or become too strained for a show of decency.
Whilst there, the orphaned children would be shown their inheritance by their father’s relations. Sons of the dead man would especially be encouraged to come and construct a home and live among their people. The widow would also put in a formal request to be involved in life events involving the children moving forward. This could include but not limited to circumcision, marriage and naming of their children when the time came.
Kamanyasi
Namulekhwa could partake in cleansing with kamanyasi as per luhya myths about infidelity. They would then bury their husband in peace, especially if there aren’t any other challengers to the crown.
Keep A Safe Distance
Namulekhwa could take her chances and spectate, rather than participate, in hubby’s send off. here, they would mourn from a from a safe distance avoiding close proximity with the dead man’s corpse. Today, in many funerals, this dishonor is reserved for a man’s concubines, ‘side plates’ and unofficial wives. This scenario is best described Kenya as Kulilia kwa choo.
These women are often the butt of mourners jokes. The community mocks the concubines are mocked by the community for crying among the banana plantations. In fact, it’s not hard to tell who your husband’s mpango wa kandos are. They would be the women crying as much as you are, possibly even more, but from a safe distance.
Philandering wives who fail to adequately prep for their husbands burial with kamanyasi as per luhya myths on infidelity when separated or divorced also suffer this dishonor. To the uncultured eye, it may appear like the widow has been overcome with the pain of losing her husband. That the widow was so distraught occasioning them to lose their minds and wail among the bananas.
When The Wife Dies and Luhya Myths On Infidelity When Divorced or Separated
Among the many symbolism of dowry among the luhya is the concept that the custom ‘takes the bride’s grave from her parents home to her matrimonial home’. What this means is that in life or death, the bride always has a place at her new home.
Therefore, it is tradition that a man will always have the right to bury his wife, according her all the honor, even if she had deserted him. In modern times, some families have chosen the path of using the court process to ‘reclaim’ these rights. Most however, let the husband bury his wife. Especially if for all intents and purposes, the two remained customarily married.
