I know many of you of a certain age, would be nothing without the tough love of a few strokes from the lukhendu of your loving Luhya mother. This is the story of your childhood, these are our stories….this, is growing up Luhya.
Today, whiling time away as I chose to STAY AT HOME during these uncertain times as Kenya braces for her third night curfew of the coronavirus lockdown, I came across a hilarious post on Facebook by an acquaintance. Limiting my assessment to the post’s content, I swear the fellow must have had my mother as his mother too. Though I can’t remember having him as a wandayo. Neither was he among my ‘adopted siblings’ who my father would bring home on his countless rescue missions every time he came back from the village.
But the uncanny semblance of his take on why growing up in a certain age meant that your sorry backside would suffer good strokes from the lukhendu of your loving Luhya mother for certain indiscretions, misdemeanors and felonies, have got me thinking.
Reminisced I have and thanks to a trip down memory lane to my childhood, I hold my suspicions that my mother and his may have been sisters; or at least members of a sorority; maybe bosom buddies with the disturbing habit of sharing discipline protocols between themselves; or, my personal favorite, from the same cosmos.
Some of the following reasons for disciplining a child may appear far fetched for today’s kids but they sure did happen. In fact, these were some of the norms that shaped us into the adults we are of today. As you will see, there was always a reason to khukololosia embulu — to straighten the alligator. Enjoy… Ha ha ha ha!
The three nonnegotiable
Crying after being beaten.
Not crying after being beaten.
Crying without being beaten.
Because you were her child and you will be brought up well, like it or not
Uyanze usuri is a Maragoli saying that any Maragoli child who grew up in my time knows. Literally, it means: ‘you like it, you reject it’. Basically, when your mum or an adult said that to you, your goose was cooked. Attempt or even think about doing any other thing contrary to what and well, as our mothers used to say: “you will see”.
Having a dirty mouth.
That is, being abusive especially not to a younger sibling.
When you don’t wash your dish after eating.
Washing your dish improperly, using too much water, spilling water everywhere or failing to scrub the pans.
When you break your plate – or any utensil for that matter.
In those nearly moments when you almost break your plate.
Not greeting visitors. Oh, no! Not in the land of mulembe.
Crying to go with or escort the visitors when the visitors are leaving.
For the following felonies you’d get your ass licked by the lukhendu of your loving Luhya mother partly because you had broken her heart so
For the following felonies, the reprimand from the lukhendu of your loving Luhya mother would be severe. Further, it would be accompanied by a tongue lashing that in most instances was even more painful than the strokes of the lukhendu .
Standing while the elders are seated.
Sitting while the elders are standing.
Walking around aimlessly where the elders are seated.
Not hanging around when the elders are seated.
Replying back to an elder.
Not replying back to an elder.
Looking at an elder eye ball to eye ball.
When an elder is talking to you and you stare and not blink.
Sleeping while the elders had already woken up.
When an elder is talking to you and you blink.
When you look at an elder through the corner of your eye.
The painful trilogy of the lukhendu of your loving Luhya mother, food and your eating habits
Eating food prepared for the visitors.
Looking at the visitors while they are eating.
Refusing to eat.
Eating too much.
Eating at the neighbor’s home.
Your neighbor reporting (or whilst visiting family or friends) that your had refused to eat.
Especially if it was made to appear like you had refused to eat because you intimated that the food was too lowly.
Eating too slowly.
Eating too quickly.
Finishing your food and scraping your plate with your spoon or finger.
Not finishing your food.
Throwing away food or food scraps on your plate.
Includes your food falling off the plate.
Eating and talking.
Ke embichi musipwoni, for these felonies, you brought the licks of lukhendu upon yourself
Being absent minded.
Kuzubaa zubaa they called it in Swahili.
For being too aggressive.
Kiherehere in Swahili, I believe. Mayubayuba in Lubukusu and mariviti in Lulogoli.
When your mates are playing street football and you join them.
Your mates are playing and you don’t join them.
When you hurt your toe playing football or suffer an injury while playing with your mates and report your injury to her.
Worse if you come home crying.
For hurting yourself whilst playing and hiding the injury.
Coming back home after sunset.
When you’re beaten in school for misbehaving.
Fighting with your age mate and losing.
Fighting with your age mate and winning.
Generally being moody.
Generally being too excited.
Stumbling and not falling.
Stumbling and falling when walking.
For biting your nails.
When you take a bath too quickly.
Taking too long to bath.
Not being vigilant to the extent that a bicycle almost knocks you down.
When a bicycle knocks you down and you don’t die!
