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Close proximity here means anything from: nursing him on his death bed, offering a bed bath or even cleaning his linen. This high threshold of ‘no touching ‘or ‘breathing his air’ applies especially to ‘complete’ marriages. A ‘complete’ marriage is one where dowry has been paid. Not just in form of cash or grains, but one where ‘animals have walked’. Better, a matrimony is considered complete when marriage customs and traditions such as kuruta, kuvika kisegese or khuboa chinyinja have taken place. The short answer to why this most demanding of luhya myths concerning infidelity makes a taboo of the companionship between husband and wife, lies in the consequences: Death for the ailing husband. Lifelong bondage for the wife, that she won’t be able to move on, if this myth isn’t observed.
AILING HUSBANDS & LUHYA MYTHS CONCERNING INFIDELITY: The Curious Story of the Slay Queen from Shitswswi
Before the Shitswiswi story, some context. This most demanding of luhya myths on infidelity does not end with the unfaithful wife. You can term this myth ‘gender sensitive’. The man, the rat if you like, who’s been sleeping around with the dying or dead man’s wife, pays the price too. The Wambumuli (wife snatcher) is barred from coming in close proximity with the man whose omukhasi he ran off with. Neither should the Wambumuli visit his rival in his sickbed. What follows is a curious case of an acquaintance that I was a spectator to. The following story dissects the guts of this most onerous of luhya myths concerning infidelity.
Shantel’s Husband in ICU
A cousin of a cousin of mine lived away from his family, in the city, hustling. He’d married the village beauty and the desire of a good life for his loved ones had seen him move to the city ‘kutafuta’. Shantel aka Shan, his wife, was a real beauty who loved the glitz and glam that one can access in Shitswitswi in Wanga-Marama land; and more. She particularly had a liking for clothes bought in the city.
It happened that this cousin of a cousin suffered a road accident that left him for the dead. Having undergone head surgery, he was being nursed at a big hospital in my locale. Like any good luhya brother, we’d go visiting every other day to check on his progress in regaining his senses and strength.
If you’ve ever had a sick relative this parts of the world, you know the drill. We’d shop for something healthy, rush to the hospital to get there just in time. Once there, we would idle around obnoxiously talking about our lives in the vicinity of someone who’s struggling just to breathe. Then the prayer, and taking leave. Often, we’d then head down to the pub. Tomorrow, we would do it over again.
Given the seriousness of the injuries suffered by this brother of ours, this routine went on months on end. So long that we became acquaintances with the hospital ‘soldier’; which meant we had to wacha kakitu ( tip them) whenever we shared the same air.
Brothers Who Eat Their Brother’s Potatoes & Luhya Myths Concerning Infidelity
So one night, down at the local after our visit, my cousin’s wife from Buseve innocently asks: “Why is it that we only find Barasa’s (the cousin to my cousin) dad in Hosy (hospital)?” “Because his mum died.” My cousin quickly answers half hoping to kill that line of inquiry.
Now visibly agitated, evident in a shoulder shrug and pop of her wrists that reveals the gleam of her manicured nails, Shiku protests:
“What about the wife? I heard Barasa has brothers. Doesn’t he? What about them?”
Awkward silence.
Thankfully, Shiku’s mind is always humming. And hum it did to an epiphany:
“It’s true what they say. Only one’s parents truly care! Relatives, friends and even spouses can leave you for dead,”
My cousin and I throw quick glances at each other and our gazes settle on Shiku. It’s visible that cousin’s wifey looks satisfied with the answer she’s supplied herself with. My cousin kicks my leg under the table. I quickly pick that he is signalling that we shouldn’t ruin her blissful realization. I oblige and the conversation slowly drifts to another direction.
A Father’s Wisdom
Anyone who knew Barasa knew of his situation. So when Shantel handed in the excuse that their children were too young to be left alone, that she hadn’t yet found a temporary hand to take care of them to allow her to travel to the city and nurse her husband; everyone who knew of their situation thought: wise of you Shantel.
Shantel knew, or had been advised accordingly, about luhya myths concerning infidelity. For her presence would have surely sent Barasa home early to be with his ancestors. Shantel’s philandering ways to finance her glitzy life in Shitswitswi was an open secret. What was less known about was the ‘friendly fire’ of Barasa’s brothers. Thank Wele for Mzee Barasa, Barasa’s father. In case you ever wondered what fathers do or did in our patriarchal luhya societies, today you’ll have one answer.
Barasa’s father knowing to well what the Swahili meant when they said hayawi hayawi huwa; Mzee Barasa being cognizant of what the Maragoli mean when they say: inyundu erondera keheregete, devised a cunning plan. The plan to deter death in his family according to Luyha myths involved three cunning moves.
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The first play of the plan was his heading to the city fast thereby arriving by Barasa’s bedside first. Actually, Mzee Barasa only broke the news of Barasa’s accident once he was in the city. Mzee made the most of being recipient of the sad news first having been contacted by the hospital as next of kin.
But before leaving, he made sure he had stirred up old wounds with a neighbor; a Mzee Mariviti Milimo. It was easy working up Mr.Milimo as the two had a long standing boundary dispute. Having laid the trap, when Barasa’s brothers heard the news and wanted to head down to the city from Shitswitswi, Baba convinced them to hold forte.
His argument was pretty simple: Now that the family’s enemies had heard of Barasa’s fate, they could try take advantage. Barasa was the family pillar. His poor state of health was like weakness to the center post of a hut. Thus an attack, however weak, could see the whole ensemble crumble in a heap. And in case any one of them doubted his wisdom, they needed to smell the air and acknowledge that some neighbors had already started being aggressive. Case in point: Mzee Milimo.
Tragedy Averted
After all, Barasa’s brothers were never to discount the fact that they were immigrants. That the neighbors had never been happy when Mzee immigrated into the area from Kabras. It killed the likes of Mzee Milimo every day and night that their father had ended up being more successful than them the locals. I imagine he might have added. Whatever he said, it must have worked.
The significance of Mzee Milimo’s cunning acts is not lost to those well versed with luhya myths concerning infidelity. For Mzee lived in the village and had ears on the ground. He knew of Shantel’s ways and simply didn’t want to take chances. Any risks might have resulted in him losing all his sons because that’s what happens then.
